MY TOP TEN FICTIONAL FEMALES

When it comes to TV, my one crippling weakness is strong female representation. I am crazy for a heroine. More often than not, if a show lacks good female character, I’ll cut off all my ties with the franchise. And when a show ruins a female character – well, I’ll rant about it on my tumblr account for a good few years and become the ridiculously bitter old woman I am, hidden in my eighteen-year-old form. This post is just a quick lowdown on my ten favourite fictional women who I will defend until my deathbed. I don’t care if they’ve killed people. They will never stop being nigh-on godly in my eyes.

source (x)

10. FLEABAG (BBC Three’s Fleabag)

Fleabag is relatively new on the comedy scene – all six episodes are now on iPlayer, whilst airing on a Sunday evening on BBC Two – but it is by far one of the funniest things on television possibly ever. The central character, known only as Fleabag, is the product of Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s personal experience and imagination: written and played by the woman herself. I think the reason why I love Fleabag so much is the honesty of the portrayal – the risk with modern-day sitcoms is that they’re synthetic and forced, often playing with tropes but not directly subverting them for a fresher, modern outlook that shocks or surprises audiences. Fleabag is not one of these sitcoms. From breaking the fourth-wall with monologues told directly to camera (think Miranda, but not in an outwardly comical way), brutally honest depictions of grief juxtaposed with Fleabag’s ridiculous personality, and it’s totally no-nonsense portrayal of female sexuality… Fleabag just seems to tick all the boxes for me. I hope there is more content on the horizon.

source (x)

9. MARY, QUEEN OF SCOTS (The CW’s Reign)

I’m not usually a fan of epic American drama serials, often preferring British brevity, but a love of costume drama and endless recommendations convinced me to watch Reign. Whilst Adelaide Kane’s portrayal of one of history’s most controversial monarchs can be quite wooden and one-dimensional, there is enough of the grit and determination of the teenage queen in her performance to pull off Mary convincingly. A brief knowledge of Scottish history foreshadows Mary’s inevitable demise, but her courage in the aftermath of the heartbreaking challenges she faces makes her a truly admirable character. The show isn’t particularly historically accurate or even convincing in places, but that’s all background noise in Reign. You stay for the warm dignity of Mary, her power and strength in a society that hugely condemned and overruled women, and perhaps the dresses. The dresses are definitely worth watching for.

source (x)

8. ANNIE SAWYER (BBC Three’s Being Human)

Being Human is not a new show, but one that I’ve recently picked up thanks to Netflix and my burning Aidan Turner obsession. It began airing back in 2008 on BBC 3, the main premise being a ghost, a vampire and werewolf all live together – nothing possibly bad could happen there, right? Similarly to my attitude towards Reign, the supernatural genre is not one that I’d usually pick out; but the warmth and depth of this “dramedic” series instantly captivated me, in particular the ghostly Annie. It is prevalent from the beginning that amongst her incessant tea-making, her insistence in making people happy and her positively glowing soul that Annie is a character who refuses acknowledge her own self-worth. I’m not going to give away anything, but she’s endured events in her past that have left her cripplingly low in self-confidence. But, as she states, in death I have never felt more alive. Watching Annie develop as a person, form relationships, gain confidence… there is just something delightfully warming about that experience as a viewer. I cannot recommend this show highly enough.

source (x)

7. JO PORTMAN (BBC One’s Spooks)

I bloody love Spooks and have done for over a year now. It’s sleek, fast-paced and full to the brim of action, boasting a cast full of incredible characters – including some damn good heroines. One of these heroines is Jo Portman, a junior case officer, who starts working at MI5 young and inexperienced and leaves it almost a completely different character, never defeated by the events that would have destroyed any other person. I think what is so refreshing about Jo is that she’s naïve and anxious to please, often leaving her in dire straits: but determination wins through in the end and she becomes an integral part of the Section D dynamic. She is a realistic hero, kick-ass but vulnerable, and if you’ve ever seen Spooks you’ll probably know how her story inevitably ends. All the same, I always felt I really connected with Jo. No matter how much I adore all the other characters in this amazing show, she will always be one of my favourites.

source (x)

6. MOLLY DAWES (BBC One’s Our Girl)

I was a bit sceptical about BBC One’s army-based drama when it first aired, but that all quickly faded away within a couple of episodes thanks to the excellently portrayed lead, Private Molly Dawes. The pilot, serving as a prelude to the following series, captures Molly’s story from the very beginning: transforming her from eighteen-year-old delinquent and school drop-out to a strong, determined and intelligent army medic. The series itself conveys Molly’s first tour of Afghanistan and the trials and tribulations that come with it, particularly in regards to her relationship with fellow soldier Smurf and her boss Captain Charles James. Undoubtedly, Molly’s stubbornness and reluctance to accept what others see as the norm is what makes her one of my top heroines. No matter your background or your past, you can make such a difference to the world – you just have to trust yourself.

source (x)

5. JENNY LEE (BBC One’s Call the Midwife)

Whilst not technically a “fictional female”, I couldn’t run through a list of my favourite TV women without crediting at least one member of the Call the Midwife cast. Each of the women is the wonderfully bittersweet and nostalgic vision of 1950s East End London deserves a mention on this list, but for obvious reasons, Jenny Lee is the one who made the cut. This mostly biographical portrayal of Jenny’s years spent as a midwife and nurse in one of London’s poorest districts could move even the soulless ones among us – trust me, it’s not a proper episode of Call the Midwife unless you’ve cried at least twice. Jenny obviously is at the heart of the production, it being her memoirs, but the realism of it makes it all the more watchable. She begins young and inexperienced and grows with every birth and death, whilst coping with her own heartbreaks that are really utterly heartbreaking. Despite its reputation as a show for the older generation, there’s nothing boring or aging about this little gem and I can guarantee you’ll fall in love with Jenny and the other nurses/nuns as much as I did.

source (x)

4. DEMELZA CARNE/POLDARK (BBC One’s Poldark)

I could genuinely scream about how much I love Poldark all day, and even though Aidan Turner’s portrayal of the eponymous lead is undeniably a highlight, Eleanor Tomlinson as Demelza is really worth talking about too. It is rapid character development at its best – Demelza visibly and verbally alters as a result of Ross Poldark’s influence on her life, turning from a poor, abused and uneducated child to what, at the time, would be considered a lady. Of course, class and money are not the most important ideals for a good and happy life, but Demelza truly begins to blossom due to the love and safety Ross provides for her, as well as her own clearly intelligent, caring and kind traits having a place to be appreciated and adored. She essentially saves him, but not just from “being alone”: Ross is left cold and bitter after being at war for so long and discovering his sweetheart is marrying his cousin, but Demelza reminds him of the goodness that is still in the world after heartbreak. And they do face a lot of heartbreak, as many couples in fiction inevitably do. But Demelza handles it with an inherently good and faithful heart and an unwavering unconditional love for her family. She is an admirable and beautiful character and one that I will never cease to adore.

source (x)

3. ALEX DRAKE (BBC One’s Ashes to Ashes)

As I’ve mentioned before, Ashes to Ashes will ALWAYS be one of my favourite shows of all time and this is almost solely due to the brilliance of DI Alex Drake. She is a mouthy, bossy blue-eyeshadow wearing detective who has been thrown back in time to the eighties after being shot in the head – which sounds pretty zany, but it’s honestly one of the most gripping shows you will ever watch. As the show continues from series one to three the plots get deeper and darker, yet Alex’s faith in returning to the present day to be reunited with her daughter remains unwavering. She refuses to let the patriarchal policing system of the late twentieth century shatter her confidence or undermine her position, frequently reminding her colleagues of her position and power. The relationship between Alex and her “bullish” boss DCI Gene Hunt is constantly electric, sexual chemistry buzzing and tangible. It’s a quick paced, mysterious and often ambiguous police procedural drama, but it’s definitely no ordinary cop show and Alex is no ordinary cop. You find out the answers as she does, seeing this new yet old world through her eyes, alongside a questionable eighties-themed soundtrack in Hunt’s bright red Quattro. Alex Drake is the epitome of a Strong Female Character who for all her strengths undoubtedly still has her flaws, easily putting her up in my top three of this list.

source (x)

2. ROS MYERS (BBC One’s Spooks)

This is the second Spooks female that has made it onto this list, but I just couldn’t not mention Ros Myers. I think it’s probably because Ros isn’t a necessarily nice person – she is bitter, cruel, calculating and often emotionally detached, particularly when she first joins Section D, but as she forms and breaks bonds with her colleagues these traits are stretched to their limit. With a penchant for the colour black, neat white-blonde bob and unbreakable methods of information retrieval, there is just something effortlessly cool about Ros that is impossible to dislike. That, and the fact she’s catty as hell and won’t take any shit from anyone. Despite appearing impenetrable from the outset, Ros’s vulnerabilities are ultimately what destroys the Ice Queen façade she masks herself with when in the company of her colleagues or those she’s fighting. She is not as disinterested as she puts across - when she does love, it’s an incredibly deep, dangerous bond that can and will end in catastrophe, which is what I believe destroys her in the end. Ros does not feel often but when she does it’s a savage, shattering whirlwind of emotion that causes her to make hasty decisions and tempt danger. Ros Myers does so much good in Spooks, but at the expense of herself, and when her final episode came around I could easily predict – yet it still surprised me – the way in which she would end.

source (x)

1. ROSE TYLER (BBC One’s Doctor Who)

If there’s one fictional female on this list I truly and fully identify with, it’s got to be Rose Marion Tyler. Doctor Who – particularly the series one-four – is one of the most magical and beautiful television programmes ever produced, and this is partly down to the wonderfully crafted and inspiring females created to join the Doctor on his adventures. Rose Tyler is a normal nineteen-year-old girl from London, who has a normal job and a normal boyfriend and lives in a normal flat with her debatably normal mother: but as this ordinary and monotonous life begins to crumble round her after her job explodes, Rose is opened to the idea that life doesn’t have to just be the eat-work-sleep routine she’s so completely used to. In my opinion, there was no better way in reintroducing Who than with the realistic, selfish, kind, liberal, jealous and ultimately relatable female character, pulling a whole new audience into the show’s orbit as they watch her travel through time and space with a newly-regenerated and broken Doctor. As her life twists and turns and she grows closer to the Doctor, my love for Rose just seems to expand with every episode – she heals the Doctor in every way possible, and as he says in the series four finale as he gives Rose his doppelganger, I need you; that’s very me. And we all needed Rose, because she is the character that has made Doctor Who the worldwide phenomena it is today. She is the one who brought the show into the twenty-first century, and she will be the companion that every nineties kid will say was their favourite. 

WHY I LOVE || Ashes to Ashes

source (x)

Okay, so it’s been a solid few months since I last posted on this blog, but as of today – the 17^th of June, 2016 – I am completely and utterly free from the constraints of the dreaded A2 Levels. That leaves a lot of time to catch up, start and rewatch a number of TV shows. However, I thought I’d begin with writing about one of my absolute favourite shows of all time: BBC One’s Ashes to Ashes.

First released back in 2008, Ashes to Ashes is the sort-of sequel to the incredibly successful Life on Mars, in which a 21^st century police officer (Sam Tyler) is involved in a car crash, goes into a coma and somehow wakes up in the 1970s. Whilst an inarguably amazing and gripping series and a definite must-watch, it is not necessary to understand Ashes to Ashes and I, personally, prefer the latter. Whilst on a similar premise, Ashes explores the life of Detective Inspector Alex Drake (Sam Tyler’s present day psychologist) who is shot in the head by a mysterious figure from her past, who then wakes up in 1981 London. It is there she encounters the people she assumed were just constructs of Sam Tyler’s subconscious: the ‘bullish’ DCI Gene Hunt, the ‘misogynistic’ DS Ray Carling and the ‘cautious’ DC Chris Skelton.

There are a number of reasons why I love this TV show. As an admirer of the police procedural drama as well as the sci-fi genre, Ashes manages to mix both effortlessly, providing a new slant on the crime format we know and love as well as the time-travel related complexities we see mostly only in the likes of Doctor Who. There’s horrendous perms, ridiculous sexist attitudes, barbaric police intimidation – yet you find yourself falling in love with at all and wanting to be part of Fenchurch East CID.  Each of the three series brings bigger and bolder storylines, with the audience seeing this vision of 1980s London through Alex Drake’s eyes, and discovering the truth as she does. And the truth, inevitably, is completely and utterly heartbreaking.

Although, perhaps the most enjoyable part of Ashes are the characters themselves. Alex Drake (played by the flawless Keeley Hawes) is beautiful, mouthy, bossy, intelligent, feisty – she, as the other female lead WPC Shaz Granger says, turns all the jibes she faces into energy, always coming out on top. Her determination in getting herself out of this world and being reunited with her daughter carries through all three series, whilst being admirably stuck to her morals, refusing to sink to corruption and deceit. The chemistry between her and DCI Gene Hunt is fiery yet palpable, as their personality’s battle again and again and again – but they’re a team, taking down the scum of London together. There are so many scenes where you question just how platonic and professional their relation happens to be, and you will understand that totally after seeing episode four and six of series one in particular. Interestingly, Gene Hunt is so different to Alex but then again so similar – they are both defiant, stubborn and headstrong, yet Gene is aggressive in his ideas and unbelievably sexist in his attitudes. A bi-product of a mid-20^th century upbringing, possibly, but that does not stop him putting the others in their place when they dare to question Alex’s authority. He may appear unbreakable on the surface, but Gene is so dependent on Alex and clearly will do anything for her. As Alex puts it, he’s a ‘good, kind, decent man’, despite the ‘Manc Lion’ façade.

Not only great characterisation, but literally everything in Ashes is significant in some way: every camera angle, prop and flashback is placed there for a reason, and watching each episode is like a Where’s Wally as you hunt for clues and answer internal questions. There are sub-plots, tiny visuals and hints interweaved throughout each series, and we (through Alex) keep trying to make connections between them all. It all burns down to one single idea: will Alex ever wake up and get home to her daughter? And whilst not vocalised through Alex herself, you just know what will happen in the end. But somehow, you manage to ignore this heartbreaking undertone and immerse yourself in the eighties lifestyle, with blocky computers and white leather jackets and really, really naff (but sort of great) music. I now am determined to have a ride in the Quattro, drink a whole bottle of red wine in Luigi’s and have Gene Hunt smash a window in order to save me from impending death. This is not an accolade a brandish around recklessly, but Ashes to Ashes is honestly the best show that has ever been made.

This is not a request. It is a demand. Watch this show – watch it all in one day. There are twenty-four episodes and all are amazingly written, acted and filmed, and will honestly leave you obsessed and resorting to the darkest depths of fanfiction.net in reluctance to let the show end for good. You will want to buy a leather jacket and wear blue eye makeup and listen to David Bowie on repeat.

But beware. It will also leave you in tears. As all good shows often do.

Unfortunately, whilst both seasons of Life on Mars are available on Netflix, Ashes does not appear to be on any paid streaming services. You can buy the boxsets on Amazon here.

WHY I LOVE || Doctor Who

If I could pinpoint one television show that has made the biggest impact on me, I would one hundred percent say Doctor Who. The day this show entered my life properly was a very good day indeed, because I have never, ever looked back. Doctor Who is my TV show, the one I will resort back to again and again, and I don’t think that attitude will ever stop for me. I just really, really love Doctor Who. It breaks my heart, cues emotional breakdowns and makes me laugh like no other show will and I’m honestly surprised that I’ve never thought to project that love into words.

After the recent series nine finale, I’d decided to watch all the episodes again from 2005 onwards, to fulfil that gaping hole that’s left when your favourite show goes back on hiatus. That meant raking through my endless DVD collection for series one and rewatching the first episode since the reboot again – Rose. But first, I’m going to tell you how my love for this ridiculous TV show actually began.

To the surprise of quite a lot of people who know me well, I didn’t actually begin as a fan. In fact, I was mostly the opposite. Back in 2005 when the show came back, I was only about seven or eight, and I utterly hated it. I remember distinctly that the first episode I actually came across – a year later – was Rise of the Cybermen and The Age of Steel, where the monotonous pounding of steel literally haunted my dreams and I couldn’t sleep for a week. That didn’t mean I gave up, though, oh no – I persisted with The Idiot’s Lantern, but the first time one of the faces disappeared I was straight behind the sofa with a chilling image in my head. The Impossible Planet was possibly the last straw. The minute Tobias Zed turned round with those red eyes and symbols scrawled over his face I stopped watching it. For four years.

Admittedly, that was a serious error on my behalf. Those four years were an absolute Golden Age for NewWho. Looking back now, I wish I had seen it through and persisted – but at eight years old I could not comprehend the beautiful relationships, the stunning cinematography and heartbreaking storylines as I can as an eighteen year old. All I saw were faceless people and heard chilling whispers of don’t turn around.

I guess Doctor Who fulfilled its purpose for me. A kid, sat behind the sofa, squealing at any given moment. That’s the kind of image I see whenever anyone describes watching Classic Who as a child. The thing was I got so scared that my parents wouldn’t let me watch it again and I gradually lost interest.

But, for some reason back in 2010, I decided to start again. And I am so glad that I did.

The first episode I properly watched from start to finish was Matt Smith’s first entrance as the Doctor in The Eleventh Hour. I was about thirteen and for the first time, I didn’t see Doctor Who as a show that was just scary anymore. I watched Doctor Who as a show about a madman with a blue police box, travelling through time and space with a companion or two and saving planets and defeating villains and it just being truly magical. Up until that moment, where I sat and watched the Doctor and Amy run around a hospital whilst some wacky alien thing was trying to conquer them, I hadn’t found my show. And as soon as the credits rolled, I had.

Now, it’s 2016. Six years I’ve been ridiculously addicted to this show: I’ve been to a cinema screening of the 50^th anniversary, watched the regeneration of the eleventh into the twelfth, seen the loss of the Ponds as well as Clara Oswald, went back and cried profusely over Doomsday and collected a very nerdy selection of action figures. I’ve come to the conclusion that David Tennant is most definitely my Doctor and that I just can’t pick a favourite companion no matter how many times I change my mind.

I am probably a bit late on the Doctor Who bandwagon. But with a show as long-running and highly regarded as Who, I don’t think there’s a time where it’s too late to be a fan. All I know is that I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving this ludicrous show and it’s even more ludicrous characters, and even though there are moments where I almost lose my faith it always manages to win me back.

So, here’s to another six years of being a fanatic, I guess. Probably more than that. Because when you run with the Doctor, it feels like it’ll never end.

FILMS || March-May 2015

source: [x]

source: [x]

Unfortunately A Levels are being a bitch at the moment so I've been neglecting this blog for a considerable amount of months now - but that's not to say that I haven't been procrastinating revising for said exams. The past three months have been a variation of slightly disappointing sequels, over-hyped Disney films and eye-opening (and actually life changing) TV shows for me, so I thought I'd give a brief overview of what I've loved, disliked and absolutely despised from the media recently.

FILMS

Over the past three months, I've been to cinema a number of times, pretty much all of the visits to see sequels. Back in March I saw the second film in the Divergent trilogy, Insurgent, which did indeed live up to my expectations and despite changing the plot beyond belief, I thought it a worthy follow-up to the first film in the series. More recently, I've seen Avengers: Age of Ultron, Pitch Perfect 2, Mad Max: Fury Road and The Duff. Even though I did enjoy the second Avengers film and all it's controversial revelations, it did not live up to the high standard created by the first one; and a similar thing could be said for the Pitch Perfect sequel. Pitch Perfect is one of my favourite films and I've been anticipating the second for years, and whilst it was more openly funny than the first (got to thank Rebel Wilson and Adam Devine for that one) the plot was sketchy and the music not as good or memorable. I hope for the life of me that there isn't another film in the series because I feel it would be stretching the franchise to its limit and really tarnish the success of the first film.

I'd never seen a Mad Max film before Fury Road, but I'd heard excellent things about the latest addition to the series and dragged my dad along to a viewing. It was gruesome, exhilarating and continuously brutal in the best possible way: the virtually all female cast (and a flawless Charlize Theron) made the film a non-stop feminist thriller which gripped me from beginning to end. You'd have to have a strong stomach to see the full thing in 3D, though: 2D had me gripping on the arms of my seat with the weight and projection of the explosions and the extent of the gore. On the flip side, The Duff was a predictable yet mildly enjoyable stereotypical teen rom-com which I saw on my sister's request. There was no way that the male lead was still in high school and you could tell the conclusion from the opening few scenes, but the main protagonist, Bianca, was relatable and funny and it was by no means the worst film I've seen aimed at the teenage demographic. 

Outside of the cinema, I've been trawling through YouTube for small-scale production British movies, and I came across two little comedies: Hotel! (2001) and Death at a Funeral (2007), which were both so preposterously absurd that I couldn't help but enjoy them. Hotel! has, to a modern audience, a stellar cast: Peter Capaldi, Paul McGann and Keeley Hawes all star in this weird, ridiculous and frankly stupid one-hour film, full to the brim with visual gags and incongruous circumstances and odd, one-dimensional characters. Saying that, it had me laughing all the way through, purely because of how farcical every single moment was (there is a scene, discussing Peter Capaldi's character's divorce, that had me in stitches for hours). Death at a Funeral followed a similarly delightfully unrealistic plot, this time starring Matthew MacFadyen and Rupert Graves as the main characters, as well as that guy we all know who used to be in the BT adverts. MacFadyen's portrayal of the "family disappointment" who tries so hard not to be melted my heart  and the whole "valium" situation had me snorting - it's definitely worth a watch, even if it's just stare adoringly at Matthew MacFadyen or mumble under your breath how Rupert Graves seems to appear in literally everything you've ever watched.

That concludes my brief round up: I hope to review in full a few of these and this isn't the full extent of my film endeavours for the past few months, so I'll get back to that. Hope you enjoyed!

LINKS:

If you're interested, you can find Hotel! here and Death at a Funeral here.

FOUR: A DIVERGENT COLLECTION || Review

Title: Four: A Divergent Collection

Author: Veronica Roth

Rating: 7/10

I'm a massive fan of the Divergent trilogy (I am so hyped for seeing the Insurgent movie this month) so buying this book after reading Divergent, Insurgent and Allegiant was a definite must for me. Whereas the trilogy is all from the female protagonist's, Tris, point of view, this collection of short stories is all from the point of view of Four (or Tobias). It also includes three exclusive scenes set during Divergent which really were a treat to read.

The first three stories - The Transfer, The Initiate and The Son - are all about Four pre-Divergent and pre-Tris, so it's really interesting yet entertaining to get a grasp on his personality and actions before he became under the influence of Tris. The Transfer details Four's movement from Abnegation to Dauntless; The Initiate while enduring his training to vie for a high position in Dauntless and The Son his first few months in Dauntless whilst forging contact with his mother, Evelyn, after years apart. All three of these stories are great in their own right - credit to Veronica Roth - but my favourite has to be The Transfer, as it makes you understand why Four is the way he is and why he makes his decision to leave his faction behind and join Dauntless, despite the result of his Aptitude test. The first story is essentially Tobias choosing to free himself from the bounds Abnegation has set from him as well as his cruel father, Marcus. You sympathise for him yet condemn him at the same time. It really made me question the Four I was introduced to in my first reading of Divergent and how his love and trust in Tris is ultimately what frees him, not the choices he has made in the past.

This leads me on to the fourth story, The Traitor, set during Tris's initiation into Dauntless: around the time of the second stage of training (the fear simulations). It was refreshing to see Tobias falling in love with Tris and not the other way round, especially with the knowledge given during the first three stories and how hard it was for Tobias to learn to trust and care for people. The scene where Tobias invites Tris into his own fear landscape is especially refreshing seen from Tobias's point of view. It gives more depth to Tobias and his motives - we know Tris enough already, so it's great to see Tobias face his fears directly.

This collection of stories also explores other characters in more depth: Eric, who is just as much a dickhead during initiation as he is during the rest of the books; Max's arrogance and willingness to change Dauntless values from courageousness to brutality, and Shauna and Zeke. Eric's bitterness and cruelty seems more justified through this book, yet he's still a despicable human being. However, Eric's brutal tendencies only do more to highlight how, even though damaged and broken, Tobias is the true hero of the book. He does stupid things and lashes out, but he's kindhearted and strong-willed despite all the shit Marcus put him through.

Plus, the three extra scenes at the end provide a much needed closure after reading Allegiant. Especially 'First jumper--Tris!', as all I've wanted to know was what Four first thought when he saw Tris land in the net. If you've read Divergent I can guess that's probably been on your mind too. Who doesn't like a dystopian love story. It definitely reminded me of the story I've been so loyal to for over a year now and, trust me, you need that reminder. You'll know what I mean if you've read Allegiant.

Even though this is just a selection of shorts, which isn't as outrightly exciting and adrenaline-pumping as the Divergent trilogy - there isn't as much action, more just questions brought up in the trilogy that need answering - I still really enjoyed it, and it reminded me how much I just love this collection of books. Tobias and Tris's love story has captivated me from the beginning as well as the faction system and the universe the stories are set in. If you've read Divergent - I don't think it's necessary to have read Insurgent or Allegiant to read this, although you might want to - this is a definite must. If you love the story as much as I do, I'll guarantee you'll love this.

If you haven't already, give it a try. If you have, do message me and tell me your thoughts. It would be interesting to hear what anyone else has to say about it.

For the Love of Cupcakes - Prologue

For the Love of Cupcakes: Prologue

(I’m so happy to share this. This is the first “chapter” of my new novel, For the Love of Cupcakes. Hope you enjoy.)

Polyvore collage: [x]

                                                               PROLOGUE

       Cake Batter

For as long as I could remember, I’d always believed there wasn’t a problem a good, proper cupcake couldn’t fix. This ridiculous ideology was all my mum’s fault, of course: when I was younger and I’d come home from school with tears in my eyes over some petty thing like a stolen pencil or Kirsty McGregor’s new sparkly shoes (which I was sure violated the school uniform code) my mum would give me a chocolate-chip muffin with a swirl of buttercream on the top and suddenly things would be okay again. As my teeth sank into the soft sponge and vanilla icing engulfed my taste buds, Kirsty McGregor’s stupid flashy shoes would be a distant memory and my favourite spotty pencil forgotten. This cake orientated attitude continued right through my teenage years—fallouts with supposed ‘friends’, secondary school related humiliation, finding out the boy a year above you’ve had a crush on for like, two weeks, is dating some older and prettier girl. My mum would justknow and suddenly, out of nowhere, a strawberry shortcake cupcake would appear on my desk and it was like the totally gorgeous potential soul-mate boy in the year above never existed at all.

It wasn’t until about nine months ago that I realised that some problems couldn’t be fixed with rainbow sprinkles and caramel swirls. I suppose I’d never experienced true heartbreak and pain until that day: suddenly cake didn’t seem like the solution to what I was feeling anymore. I couldn’t just forget and move on; it was a constant, consuming numbness in the pit of my stomach that refused to be shaken off like fake friends and embarrassing moments. Cupcakes became a reminder rather than a cure.

However, nine months on—cupcakes kind of became a legacy.

All mum ever wanted to do was open a cupcake shop. Just a small, cosy place in the centre of town littered with odd tables and chairs and, of course, a massive counter that stretched across the back wall overflowing with her homemade bakes. It was the subject of my bedtime stories when I was little: how she’d work behind the counter, greeting the customers, while I’d apply swirly icing and edible petals and frosting figurines to the orders and pack them away in little white boxes. Dad would be in charge of the ovens (we’d giggle over how he’d have to wear a bright pink apron—the uniform had to be pink, of course) and how my older brother Johnny would wait on the tables, imagining the flush on his cheeks as a pretty girl walked by the massive glass windows at the front. If all the cakes weren’t sold by the end of the day we’d be able to take all of them back home with us and have them for supper, with massive scoops of ice cream and frosted strawberries until all of them were gone and not a crumb remained. It was an idea that fuelled my childhood, but of course stupid reality and school and my parents actual jobs got in the way, leaving my mum’s cupcakes as just a hobby with no way forwards. That was okay, back then, because we had days and weeks and months and years to think about it and say maybe one day. It was when the possibility of years turned into nothing that my whole family was slapped painfully, harshly and abruptly with the knowledge that life can be tragically cut short with your dreams yet to be fulfilled. It was cruel and it was unfair and it’s something I’ll never forgive the vastness of the universe for but it was my first experience of the harshness of reality which, maybe, I’ll learn to accept one day.

I don’t think I’d ever learn to forgive and accept myself for it, though.

It may have been out of guilt, or even regret, more likely love—but it took my mother’s death to finally make her dream a reality. Even though my outlook on reality was a lot more bitter and unforgiving than it was before, I could tell that dad sort of hoped that the sugariness of my all-time favourite dessert would sweeten my perception of the world. Maybe it would, maybe the pastel colours of the walls and the heavenly smell of cake batter would banish my new found cynicism; or maybe they would just be a constant reminder of what I’d lost and never forget. A constant jab poking away in the back of my brain saying this all happened because of you. I was counting on the latter: things were too different now to ever go back to the way things were. I was a completely altered person.

Despite what I thought about my dad’s new business venture, though, I had no choice but to move away from my home of Hampstead to the coastal town of Whitley Bay where Cherry on Top café stood between a vintage jewellery shop and a newsagents, making all other shops in the street look demure in comparison. It was sickening, how similar it looked to my mum’s heavily annotated blueprints, with its big glass windows jutting out into the street and newly panelled wood floor and massive Perspex counter swallowing the back wall. The first time I saw it properly I didn’t leave the house again for four days because it all felt too real. The only reason I came out again was because I couldn’t stand hearing my dad crying about my attitude.

And, now, my dad had somehow forced me into a sickly pale pink apron, and I’d become an employee at the shop I could hardly bare glancing at. It would be good for my confidence, he’d said, like actually interacting with people I had no interest in actually talking to would make me feel less like sitting in the dark with my headphones on, blasting myself to oblivion for a few hours. I had no desire to talk to anybody ever, not anymore. But I accepted the job in the hope it would stop my dad from crying over me.

The job was the least of my problems, in the end. I could cope making idle, meaningless small talk with the customers who I barely needed to make eye contact with for more than two seconds. I couldn’t cope with the addition of Matthew Fitzpatrick into my life; who changed, improved and ruined my existence all at the same time.

I was broken before I met Matt, like the shattered glass in his beat-up telescope and snapped G string on his acoustic guitar. But I was even more broken after he left. Turns out I’m the one problem not even a sticky-toffee cupcake could fix.

Maybe.

BEGIN AGAIN || Review

Begin Again Review: By Hannah

image source: [x]

Film: Begin Again

Starring: Mark Ruffalo, Keira Knightley, James Corden, Hailee Steinfield, Adam Levine

Directed and Written: John Carney

Imdb synopsis: A chance encounter between a disgraced music-business executive and a young singer-songwriter new to Manhattan turns into a promising collaboration between the two talents.

My rating: 8/10

This review is not 100% spoiler free. 

I’d been looking forward to seeing this film for a very long time and I am very, very glad that I finally got round to it. I knew from the premise (and the fact it’s directed by John Carney, who directed Once, probably my favourite musical ever) that this film would be something that I’d like. Incidentally, I wasn’t wrong. It was kind of beautiful, even if I am still left questioning if Keira Knightley can actually sing or not. 

The movie follows a drunken, messed-up music exec Dan (Ruffalo) and feisty, heart-broken songwriter Gretta (Knightley) and how they both use their talents to produce an album, using the streets of New York as their recording studio. Dan is divorced and constantly wandering the streets in various states of drunkenness with no money like that I’m having an alcohol-fuelled breakdown cliché we all know so well. He’s also got a daughter Violet (Steinfield) who he’s inadvertently fucked up because of his drinking, causing her to dress like she’s easy and become slightly sociopathic. Gretta, on the other hand, is fresh out of a relationship (by fresh, I mean when the film starts, she’s literally just got out of it) after her bastard singer boyfriend Dave (Levine – who I do not find sexy at all, despite what anyone says) plays her a song which she knows is for someone else. It’s on one night at some dingy bar in New York City that Dan and Gretta meet, and Dan has some “drunk magic powers” which means he can make arrangements in his head and Gretta is the next sensation he’s been looking for his whole career.

There are some stunning scenes in the movie – like when Dan and Gretta wander New York City listening to the same iPod, and you can tell they’re falling in love with the way they make each other feel. How the homeless vibe coming off Dan is actually kind of endearing: how you’re seeing a man falling apart and slowly piecing himself back together again because of music (and Gretta). It’s a film about beginning again, wiping the slate clean. And you definitely get that message by the end of the movie.

But for me, it’s the music that makes the movie. Even though the storyline is funny and absorbing and heartbreaking and beautiful, the music is what brings all the scenes together and forges and breaks relationships. Knightley’s voice is what you could call an “acquired taste” that not everyone will like – it’s raspy and sweet, but questionable – yet it undeniably fits the songs. Gretta and Dave’s breakdown is shown completely through music, him selling himself out with poppy tunes that have lost their meanings while she stays loyal to original lyrics (and, thank God, stays loyal to herself). The soundtrack is definitely worth a download.

I think I would watch Begin Again more than once and still enjoy the story. I’m a romantic at heart, therefore the ending doesn’t quite match with what I wanted out the film, but it still seems fitting. The story is unique (despite the wandering drunk stereotype) and the tender moments between Dan and Gretta give you goose-bumps. I’d say it’s a story about unconditional love, music, family and never selling yourself short. And, of course, it’s about the endless possibilities that only New York can offer and how it can bring people together.

Watch this film. Please? I can guarantee you’ll enjoy it.